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About The Blog

This blog is here to help educate people on asexuality and the spectrum surrounding it. I’ve been lurking about the asexual community since 2013. Following Tumblr blogs, subscribing to subreddits. Doing occasional research. At first I identified as demisexual. Then gray asexual. Then asexual. Then gray asexual again. I’ve learned quite a bit. But I never offered my own, personal input. I kinda wanna change that.If you have any questions about anything ace-related, ask away! Unfortunately, I don’t anticipate very many questions, so this will mostly be reblogs. Along with personal posts regarding my own experiences. The main focus of this blog is educating, which includes some of the issues asexuals and acespecs go through. I’ll also post positivity, memes, and funny stuff.When I first started this blog I swore to myself I wouldn’t post any discourse. Unfortunately, it seems discourse is a big enough issue where it’s hard to ignore at times. So I might occasionally mention it when bringing up the damage it causes, but I won’t reblog a single thing from aphobes (I refuse to call them exclusionists- they’re aphobes. And I’m reluctant to call it “discourse” either- it’s straight up aphobia and I’ll tag it as “tw aphobia.”)I’m not going to waste my time arguing with aphobes. I have enough internalized aphobia from just reading half their crap. Any aphobes will be blocked on sight. And any aphobes barging into my ask box with the sole purpose of being an asshole will be ignored.However, if you have a genuine question, but fear it’s aphobic, you can ask it if you’re polite about it. I’d love a chance to clear things up!I may post things that include discussions about sex. But I tag those as “tw sex.” So if you’re sex-repulsed but wanna follow me, then you can go ahead and block that tag. Any personal posts I make involving sex talk will have that as a preface as well. I want this place to be comfortable and safe for everyone.A heads up, but I also swear quite a bit in some of my posts. Especially when I’m getting passionate about the subject.Reblogs (and even some personal posts) are queued. But I do publish asks immediately. I respond to those as soon as I have downtime to sit and think. I’m usually away from my computer during the day every day, so you probably won’t get a response until evening/night PST.If you want to read up on the basics, you can check out my FAQs

FAQ

What is the asexual spectrum?The asexual spectrum covers a wide range of identities that have similarities to asexuality, but do experience some degree of sexual attraction. While asexuals experience no sexual attraction at all, gray asexuals may experience it rarely. Demisexuals don’t experience it unless they have an emotional bond with that person. Fraysexuals are basically the opposite of demisexuals. Then there are other identities that don’t feel sexual attraction, but don’t feel like they are fully asexual because they do fantasize about sex (aegosexuals) or they want a sexual relationship (cupiosexuals). But you can be interested in sex and still be asexual. Sometimes people feel more comfortable identifying with microlabels and that’s totally valid.Wait, did you just say asexuals can be interested in sex? And still identify as asexual? How is that possible?Yes. Asexuals do not experience sexual attraction. However, they can still get horny and have sex. Have you ever been hungry, but nothing sounds good? So you decide to just eat whatever you have? It’s like that. Libido =/= Attraction.What about aces who don’t want sex? Or are repulsed by sex? Or don’t care about sex?They can still have a libido. People who are disgusted by sex may identify as sex-repulsed. People who have no interest in sex may identify as sex-averse. People who don’t care either way may identify as sex-indifferent. And people who want and enjoy sex may identify as sex-favorable.People who experience a fluctuating combination of these may identify as sex-ambivalent.Can you experience sexual attraction if you’re sex repulsed?Yes. Here’s a fun story about that.What is an allosexual?Someone who is not asexual or on its spectrum.I feel like I might be on the ace spectrum, but not sure how. Do you have a list of labels and definitions anywhere?Here's a massive glossary I made. There’s also that cereal post I made that led me to making this blog, if you want some food comparisons.What’s the point of all these microlabels anyway?People use them to take comfort in knowing they are not alone in feeling a specific way. It’s also a fun way to compare experiences and explore the different nuances in attraction. It’s fine if you don’t want to use microlabels. But it’s not fine to hate on people who do.Am I still asexual/on the ace spectrum if I _________?If that blank is filled with anything other than “experiences sexual attraction the way society expects,” then yes.I’m a minor. Am I too young to know I’m ace?Absolutely not. There’s no magic age as to when it’s suddenly “okay” for a person to identify as ace. However, last time I checked, the average age of puberty ending is around 16. If you’re past that age without experiencing sexual attraction, I think there’s a good chance you’re at least somewhere on the spectrum. But only you can decide for yourself. I’m just here to provide information to help you make that decision.What if I’m just a late bloomer though?Then you’re a late bloomer. It’s not a big deal if you end up changing labels later in life. And who knows- Maybe you are still on the ace spectrum in some other way. Or maybe you’re not. Regardless, if you feel like “ace” is currently a useful label for yourself, then you’re welcome to use it!What does aesthetic attraction feel like?You just want to sit and stare at that person forever. Here’s what an aesthetic crush is like. Alternatively, here’s what a crush is like without aesthetic attraction.What does platonic attraction feel like?I'm aplatonic, so you tell me! But apparently you want to be that person’s friend and do friendship things with them.What does alterous attraction feel like?I can’t figure out what this is supposed to feel like no matter how much research I do on it. I've best seen it described as a nonbinary type of attraction. Whatever it is, it's not platonic or romantic.What does romantic attraction feel like?Yearning, paired with an endless stream of romantic thoughts and fantasies. Here’s a checklist I wrote up. You can also click here to read about the time I suffered from an overload of this.What does sensual attraction feel like?You look at a person and get urges to cuddle them. Maybe even kiss.What does sexual attraction feel like?You get all these wild, unprompted thoughts about you doing sexual activities with that person. Sometimes looking at that person makes you horny for them. You might even get this strange urge to rip the person’s clothes off and take them then and there. I never thought sexual attraction could ever happen to me, but it did.That sounds awful. I’m sorry you went through that.Me too.I have sexual thoughts and fantasies. Am I still asexual?If none of them involve you directly, then yes, you are still asexual. Aegosexual is a label for aces who have sexual fantasies they play no part in, so that might be worth looking into. If the fantasies involve you, but no one else in particular, you're also still ace. None of that is sexual attraction.I've had thoughts about me having sex with a specific person though. Is that sexual attraction?Depends on your feelings about the thoughts. If it's ew? No. If you enjoy it? Possibly. If it's making you all hot and bothered? Probably. Read here for more details.Do allos really get turned on looking at a person outside of a sexual situation??I can't speak for actual allos, but it's happened to me before. I could just be a weirdo though.And do they really get turned on thinking about their crushes???It's happened to me before. It's not so much thinking about them immediate sets the libido off, but if your thoughts about them start heading into sexual territory, it's possible. But again, I could just be a weirdo.Demisexuals are fake. Plenty of people wait until they know a person before having sex with them.That’s not what demisexuality is. They are incapable of experiencing sexual attraction until they feel a bond with that person. I'm not demisexual, but here’s a fun experience I had that describes how I went from being aesthetically attracted to someone, to being sexually attracted. Demisexuals probably have a very similar experience, although they might know the person better than I did.Asexuals aren’t oppressed. No one cares if you don’t want sex!Please take a look at my issues tag. People do care. Not only that, but asexuality is about lack of attraction, not lack of interest in sex. I don’t know how many times I have to repeat that.Wait- I identify as asexual, but only because I have no interest in sex. Is it okay to continue calling myself ace?You absolutely can. Here’s why.But I’m not here to tell people how to identify. I’m just here to spread knowledge and share my experiences in hopes it’ll help someone realize whether or not they’re ace. And as a resource for people who want to know more about the asexual spectrum.

About Me

I’m in my 30's. I’m fine with minors interacting. Just know that I’m an adult who won’t shy away from “adult talk” and often forgets minors could be reading.I go by gray asexual. But going into microlabels, I'm acespike and sequencesexual. I’ve been sexually attracted to a grand total of 3 people. Each case had been freakishly strong. And each case didn't happen until I was already romantically attracted to the person.My romantic orientation is heteroromantic, but I'm also orchidromantic. Meaning, I don't feel any desire for my romantic crushes to be reciprocated. I'm mainly indifferent towards being in a relationship. I’m currently in my (first) romantic relationship, and if I ever end up single again, I’ll probably stay that way.I grew up sex-repulsed and sort of “got over it” after experiencing sexual attraction for the first time. Now I’m sex-ambivalent. As in, I fluctuate between repulsed, indifferent, and favorable like the god damn wheel of fortune.I’m a cis woman. She/her pronouns, though idgaf if you use they/them for me either.I support all LGBTQIA+ identities. I hate gatekeeping, and I don’t associate with TERFs, transphobes, biphobes, panphobes, aphobes, etc. etc. etc. I’m not perfect though, and if I ever say anything problematic, it was out of ignorance and I apologize in advance.I’ve only ever been in one relationship, for 10+ years. And for 10 years, he was the only person I was ever sexually attracted to. 10 years later during COVID times, I somehow ended up sexually attracted to the UPS driver at my work. Who was eventually replaced by another driver after getting injured. Six months after that, I became sexually attracted to his replacement… Yeah, I don’t know either. Maybe I’m driversexual- I only experience sexual attraction to delivery drivers! (I’m joking, aphobes.)I have selective eating disorder. Which boils down to extreme picky eating but basically I have all these sensory issues and anxiety around food which makes my life difficult. At least I love cake and garlic bread!I also have a history of depression. It comes and goes like bad weather.If anyone reading this thinks I’m a special snowflake looking for attention, I also have epilepsy. Since I was 7. This aspect of myself doesn’t bother me, but seems to garner the most sympathy I supposedly crave. So there we go. I have seizures if I don’t take my meds. Pity away.If you couldn’t tell by now, I like rambling on and on about things. Congratulations if you read through all of this.I don’t know what other fun, information to share. I like videogames. And cats. And Warrior Cats.Oh yeah, my personal blog is yellowfang89 if you’re interested in memes, writing, and videogames.And I guess that’s it. If you want to know anything else about me, my ask box is open!